Are there people in your family that no one talks about? People who have been rejected or excluded, kept secret, or only whispered about? Did you know when this happens, it doesn't actually solve any problems that were created within the family, it just adds to them. In fact, it also creates energetic issues for the next generations. It may also perpetuate low vibrational energies like shame, guilt, grief, anger, hatred, unworthiness, rejection, secrets, and more. I want to share with you two main types of rejection and exclusion that impact family generation after generation until someone steps up to face the past and heal.

Rejection or Exclusion of a Family Member

I've encountered the exclusion or rejection of a family member most often through the military work I do. Particularly in cases where someone dies in combat or during war and the grief is too much for the mother or father or widow, so in a way the memory of the service member is rejected or hidden.

In one case I was working with a client on some World War II research and he was writing a book about his uncle Dave who was Missing In Action during the war and later declared dead by a Finding of Death. Dave's mother couldn't process her grief so she did not allow anyone to speak of Dave. No one could be named after him either. A giant hole was present in the family that was not spoken about or processed. He kind of vanished from the family for many years until the nephew began researching his fate after Dave's mother passed away. The grief and secrecy overwhelmed the family and was felt on many levels even though it was never discussed. Isn't that the way with most family secrets and people we Just don't talk about?  Finally through the research, the publishing of the book, and the identification of Dave's remains decades later, the family received some level of peace.

In my own family there were a lot of secrets and silence around my World War II Navy grandpa. In many ways he was rejected by the family and also society because of his war trauma. He became a secret that took decades to bring to the light. Although some would say he was never forgotten, just really not talked about, he still left a gaping hole. It is understandable that the generation he came from and that of his four boys, no one would really talk about it. They were all raised to be real men and real men don't cry. Real men don't show emotions. So the pain and trauma was passed down to the next generation and landed squarely on my shoulders. I talk about this in my upcoming book Soul Traveler.

When we face the past, the pain, the shame, guilt, grief, and everything else, we can close those gaping holes and heal. Facing the past also allows us to release outdated or toxic beliefs, behaviors and patterns. So the next time you decide to hide or reject or exclude a family member, ask yourself WHY you are choosing this. Who is it really helping? Who is it hurting?

Rejection or Exclusion of Self

The second type of rejection is the rejection or exclusion of self. You might wonder what I mean by this.

Throughout our lives, there are moments where we decide we do not want to be like mom or dad or grandpa. We can't stand the way so and so behaves, talks, reacts, whatever. So we turn off those parts of ourselves, dim our light, hide away so we are not like "them".

This does nothing to help our growth in life or create more abundance. It only serves to hold us back. What we reject, exclude, ignore, deny persists. I'll give you an example.

It's common for women to see other women on social media, TV, or their current partner's past lovers and think, 'I don't want to be like that'. 'THAT' might mean so thin, so large, so curvy, so blonde, so dark, have that job, or dressing like a super model, a stay at home mom, a business woman or a whore (however you want to label things). It's all about perspective. However, when we choose to deny or reject or exclude something rather than be neutral about it, it tends to show up in our realities.

Being neutral means we don't have an opinion or feeling one way or the other.

We can also look at it this way. Most people have something they don't like about their parents or grandparents. Could even be their siblings. They don't like the way they

• Have to be the center of attention.
• Are always angry.
• Don't give or do enough for others.

Yet when we label or reject these things, we tend to either take them on and repeat them in our own lives OR we go the opposite route and

• Hide away, are too quiet, become invisible so we don't attract attention.
• Try to always be happy.
• Overgive (often a trauma response) and wear ourselves out

Do you understand what I'm saying? The parts of ourselves or family that we reject persist and show up until we become neutral about them. It's all part of our growth and personal/ancestral healing journey. What parts of yourself and family are you willing to see and love without judgement? All of life is a choice - what we hold dear, reject, become.

What will you choose in this moment?

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Would you like help identifying your personal and ancestral patterns?

There are two ways I can help you identify personal and ancestral patterns that might be holding you back and not allowing you to release and let go. I offer private facilitation sessions and genogram sessions. You can learn why these are valuable and how they can help you by exploring the differences on the Facilitation & Genogram Session page.

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